Internet w**ker

Posted: October 17, 2010 in General

I enjoyed a rather hilarious retarded moment around 3am at the Empire last night, managing to mightily piss off a somewhat annoying woman who’d been winding me up with her nit prattle for a while.

I’d just come down from a rather ridiculous bout of hysterics, following a discussion with Snake about anti-tells and coming up with a plan to play-act tourette’s at the table – in between swearing and spitting, yelping out your actual hand (“TWO PAIR! COCK!”) in a series of small pots, showing to establish credibility as a genuine sufferer, and then putting an almighty slap on any big stacks with a fake (“W*NKER! I’M BLUFFING”) after a huge overbet with the nuts. Apart from Snake, the rest of the players had no idea why I was virtually under the table laughing my head-off like an absolute drunken buffoon – nothing but tea and lime-sodas all night, I was just delirious from almost five hours solid of unplayable hands.

Anyway, I decide to play one blind Baron style from the BB (yes, I know he normally does this from the button). UTG raises to £10, and with the woman in the SB and my call three of us take a flop. Both streets are checked all around, and on the river there’s a four straight out there, I think 32475 rainbow. Woman checks her SB, and I decide to look with a plan of betting-out anything. Somewhat bemused on peeking to note that I have 86s for the nuts. There’s only £25 in the pot, so I go for a giant overbet, shoving to £125 (I’m a little short-stacked at this point in the night). The raiser folds fairly quickly, and nit-woman starts complaining about what a ridiculous bet it is. In the hope of talking in a call from 2-pair or an improbable under-straight I decide to go for the “I’m a twat” line of shtick, and loudly tell her to ‘fold faster, love’. She bemoans my lack of grace and I stick a few more slightly out of order comments in. Unfortunately her nittiness is too much for me, and she folds AKo face-up, calling me an idiot for not “getting another £20 out of her with a proper bet”. She’s made a good fold, but her lack of understanding of why the overshove is a so much better line than the value bet is just too much for me, and I collapse in full-on hysterics right in her face. She fumes some more, calls both Snake and myself ‘internet w***ers’ (why he got tarred with my brush I’ve really no idea!) and after a few more hands unfortunately storms off to another table, presumably to tilt off her money to some other lucky punter.

Sometimes it’s fun to be a dickhead.

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