Archive for September, 2011

“He couldn’t make it…”

Posted: September 10, 2011 in Uncategorized

“Hang on…”, she arches an eyebrow to her even prettier friend and examines ‘cut-out Jimbo’ a little more closely; bewilderment and bemusement are apparent in equal measure on both of their faces.

“You’re trying to tell me that twelve of you have come to the Edinburgh festival to throw a stag party for one of your best friends, and he couldn’t make it?”

“Yep.”

 

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Running Golden

Posted: September 1, 2011 in Uncategorized

Major run-good post the Jody homegame for me last night. Managed to get caught in a speed-trap while doing 54mph in a 30 zone. It was on Shooters Hill Road at 1.30am, so admittedly very wide open with fields either side, and honestly more like a 40 in terms of the conditions, but nonetheless I was very definitely in breach of the posted limit.

Conversation with Mr Plod went along the following lines:

“Sir, do you know why I’ve stopped you.”

“Yes officer, I was speeding.”

“I have you registered at 54mph over 350yds”, shows gun. (my estimated chance of getting away with it feels like a depressing 10%)

“I understand.” Dismount, and sheepishly hand-over driving license, ensuring I give the officer a flash of my Institute of Advanced Motorists membership card that sits alongside it in my wallet.

“On your way home from work are you, Sir?”

“Actually coming home from a poker game with some buddies.”

“Ha ha, very good.” He nods his approval, we have a minor mutual understanding (chance of getting away with it up to 30%).

Mr Plod goes to his car to my check license details on the computer. I know I’m totally clean (COGAWI = 40%).

I see a bus coming along the road, note that I’ve been stopped within 10yds of a traffic island. I deliberately turn on my lights so he notices that I’m voluntarily pushing the bike a few metres up the road to make the bus’ passing easier (COGAWI = 50%).

He comes back after 2 minutes chatting to colleague in the car. It’s a flip! My license is all-in-pre-flop with pockets ducks versus Q8s.

“Sir, right now I should be writing you a ticket for 3 points and a £40 fine” – BOOM – “but I’m going to let you off with a wag of the finger” – quad deuces on the flop – “this is a posted 30mph limit, but in these conditions we both know it’s safe to do 40. Fifty four on the other hand is dangerous, especially so on two wheels” – the turn and river are meaningless blanks – “please drive safely on the way home”.

“Yes Sir, thank you very much.” – I scoop up the biggest pot of the night and make my way home rather more sedately.